Panic at the Parayko
This story originally appeared in the Oct. 21, 2019 edition of the St. Louis Game Time paper, sold outside of every Blues home game. For more information or to subscribe, email gtbradlee@gmail.com
Blues fans currently seem divided into three rough categories (according to my unscientific analysis of a few Twitter and Facebook accounts): There are those who have granted the team a grace period, be it one year, 52 months like Front Page Jeff, or 5 to 10 to 15 years like yours truly. We still watch the games and want the team to win, but it’s more out of curiosity and habit than any true desire.
There are those — and I’ll bet this is the smallest category — for whom nothing at all changed last year. They watch and follow and root just as ever. And then there are those who, as I see it, are putting on a show: They know that everything changed last year, that St. Louis Blues Hockey will never be the same, but prefer not to admit it. Admitting it would be too painful, and so they exaggerate their reactions and emotions to compensate.
If you fall into the second group, it’s time to start worrying. If you fall into the third, jump on that panic button with both feet, baby. There’s something very wrong with this team, and it’s not just Jake Allen.
Five thoughts from the old dirt road.
1. Hockey players have gone, like, a century without figuring out a key bit of strategy: When you lose your stick, you are completely fucking worthless. It doesn’t always result in a goal against because goals are hard to score, but this much is clear: Defending in your own zone without a stick is like drinking coffee with a fork. It accomplishes maybe five percent of what you intend, while a wonderful, easy solution exists: Just go get a different utensil.
Let’s break down Colton Parayko on Montreal’s fourth goal Saturday. (Or, here on Medium, we can just watch the video.)
With 8:53 left in the second, Parayko loses his stick in the neutral zone. He chooses to continue playing because … it’s a miniature version of blocking a shot with your ankle, being in throbbing pain, but heroically finishing your shift anyway, I guess? Sure enough, the puck comes to Parayko’s area of the ice and he can do nothing with it except kick it to the boards and hope for a whistle. Brendan Gallagher strips him easily of the puck because again: Parayko is missing by far his most important piece of equipment.
Colton skates lamely to the front of the Blues’ net and watches Jake Allen clear the puck off the glass and out to center. He remains on the ice, for some reason, as the Blues commit a neutral zone turnover and the Habs enter the offensive zone. A centering feed goes directly to Nick Suzuki in the slot — yes, the same Suzuki whom Parayko is supposed to be defending. Except Parayko can’t deflect the pass because, well, he DOESN’T HAVE A DAMN STICK. With 8:26 left, a full 27 seconds after losing his stick, Suzuki scores probably the easiest goal of his life.
2. The 5-on-3 against Vancouver on Thursday looked refreshingly different. It didn’t convert, and as Jeremy Rutherford tweeted, it extended the regular-season drought on the two-man advantage to 17. (They did score on the 5-on-3 in Game 5 against San Jose, Jadon Schwartz’s second of three goals in that game. Game 5 of the Western Conference Final, that is. They would go on to win that game, that series, and the following one, FYI.) However, for the first time that I can remember, they sent two men below the goal line, and even had Vladimir Tarsenko drift below the faceoff circle on his strong side, looking for a one-timer. It didn’t work, but at least they’re trying new things.
3. Good to see Craig Berube pull the goalie early on Saturday. Down three, as soon as the clock read 5:00, Jake Allen headed to the bench. The numbers (via MoneyPuck’s @ThePullBot) suggest coaches should pull their goalies earlier than they usually do. When trailing by three, even 5:00 left is statistically too late, but it’s an improvement.
4. That said, it doesn’t make sense why teams stop pulling their goalies when games get out of reach. Down four, five, six — pull the goalie! There’s no downside (other than a hit to our foolish pride) to losing by seven, eight, nine. If you can increase your chances of a comeback by even the slightest margin, leave the goalie on the bench and see what happens.
5. The Avalanche look like world-beaters, and they very well might be. But through eight games, their shooting percentages and save percentages are unsustainably high. Here’s to a nasty regression to the mean, beginning tonight.
If you enjoyed this story — and even if you didn’t — you should check out my book, Ticketless: How Sneaking Into The Super Bowl And Everything Else (Almost) Held My Life Together.
